Monday, July 16, 2007

name it.. !!

Must be 5 weeks now.. Prue is still in hospital.. but the general psych ward.. the trauma for me has gone off the boil.. i'm not sure why.. possibly because you just cant go 'round filling that traumatised for too long..

..the plan, talking with Prue, is that she will gradually transition from the hospital by staying one night at a time at her place.. and then return to the hospital during the day.. she has good support in Sydney.. i hope the transition works well..

..there is a general idea that if Prue is up to it.. she can come visit us in a few weeks time.. we will see..

on another note.. i have been thinking of words.. how we claim them and reject them..

Prue has asked me to not refer to her as being 'sick/unwell'... Kat has said.. that 'recovery' has implications that cant be ascribed to ppl who have a mental illness.. that the illness is always present.. and that recovery doesnt really apply...

..maybe that is why it is so important for Prue to not be labelled as 'sick' ..maybe it is part of the same chain of thought.. with no 'sickness' there is also no 'recovery' required..

..Peter, on the other hand.. was the untitled author of my previous post (Act 2, Scene 2) .. i wrote it as a play script because it seemed unreal.. Peter needs to be proactive in Prue's unwellness.. a typical modernist, black and white thinker.. Prue is 'sick/unwell' and a plan of action to initiate and insight' recovery', is what is required..

..then, Prue will be 'well'.. and not 'sick'.. and 'recovered'.. my usual post modernist manner.. deconstructionist through and through.. i reackon we all live with mental health issues.. and for alot of us.. we are most often well.. recovery required..

..but its probably fair to assume that most of us also walk close enough to unwellness to have some insight into how that might feel.. ..depression.. ..anxiety.. ..phobias..

..for Prue.. it is closer to the surface than it is for most ppl.. and it is deep too..

..i do think that 'unwell' a word that describes Prue from time to time.. but i understand why she doesnt want to claim it..

..i agree with Kat when she says that 'recovery' doesnt apply to mental health.. to Prue.. but i also understand why Peter wants to find it..

..if mental health is a continuum, then wellness and unwellness sit variously at either end.. recovery can then apply to regaining a favoured postion on that continuum..

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Scene Two Act Two.. take two..

..i put off writing this post about my Sydney trip when i first got home, last night.. i wanted to be expansive... and provide a good picture of my time with Prue but i felt too tired.. and decided to leave it til the morning - with the result that i spent the whole night, 'writing the post' in my head.. dont ya hate that..

foreward -

its been 4 weeks on thursday since Prue first went to hospital and while there has been some improvement.. she is far from well yet.. she still thinks the world is going to end and that it is her fault.. and this makes her very anxious... ..though.. she is better than 4 weeks ago because she is sometimes able to talk about her feelings.. or just smile and have fun.. but that is still momentary..

the actors in this play :

Peter - father, a big suit - the dark, pin stripe sort.. aloof, always acting like he has something else very important that he should be doing.. - soft underbelly - he adores all his children and is a devoted father..

Me - previously very involved, devoted mother - now living in another state and wondering how it is possible to adequately support Prue from this distance.. it seems ok til i am there with her and see her pain, then i just get overwhelmed with what i should/could be doing..

Kat and Tiff - family of choice - (Kat is Prue's ex g/f) they do more than their sharing of supporting Me and Prue.. i lose the sense of being overwhelmed by this situation when i add Kat and Tiff to the mix.. i feel supported by their big baked dinners, and lotsa convo 'round the table.. and also that Kat and i can share a bottle of red together in great style.. and i feel supported when i see Prue with Kat.. Prue leans on her emotionally.. and Tiff walks alongside.. supporting Kat.. ..

..on sunday.. when i spent the first few hours with Prue.. i wondered how i was going to get through the day (reference Rasta's earlier post about a distraught phone call to her).. i felt i was revisiting so many psych wards that Prue and i have sat in together.. over the last 15 years.. it just felt so heavy..

..on sunday afternoon.. i was the one that Kat and Tiff supported.. and of course, in doing that.. they supported Prue.. they came to the hospital and took Prue and i to Glebe point park.. (you know how i can breath again when i get near water).. Kat and Prue went for a walk and Tiff and i sat watching the lil dogs muck about at the water's edge.. and i got the sense that this wasnt like b4.. i wasnt alone with Prue in this pain.. that i could stand back and be part of the family of ppl who were there for Prue.. and that felt manageable..

..after the park, we went back to Kat and Tif'f's place .. this was the best part of the two dayz in Sydney.. we all sat in the back yard.. and painted each others nails.. :) ..and Prue smiled.. i think she left her sad place.. just for awhile.. and was really with us in the back yard.. magic..

seeing the dr - and the plan -

..the plan is that Prue should continue going out from the hospital.. at first with friends/family.. and then on her own.. and later, to stay at her own unit overnight .. and then return to the hospital during the day.. slowly getting back to being well and being in the community..

..its a good plan.. but i find it hard to see the connection to where Prue currently is.. this is the person who was moved from the acute care part of the psych ward (where she has spent most of the 4 weeks), to the general psych ward on saturday, only to be returned to the acute care area again on sunday morning, shortly b4 i arrived.. because she kept jumping the courtyard fence and leaving .. !! ..but a plan is good.. and a place to work towards..

Rasta and my folks -

in three weeks time.. we plan for Rasta, (my partner), to go to Sydney to visit Prue.. this is all a part of us being a team for Prue.. and its important that Rasta is involved in a front line sorta way.. to be with Prue.. and to spend time with Kat and Tiff...

..if Prue is well enough.. Rasta is gonna bring her home to Brisbane that week end... and Prue will be able to spend 2 weeks with my folks who will be staying on the gold coast in a beach front apartment at that time.. i've written the happy ending to this chapter of the story... only time will tell if it comes true or if more edits will be needed..

footnote - Hayden - if Hayden were here, he would be visiting Prue every second day.. like Kat is.. i know he hates not being closer for her.. and it is a comfort that we can talk honestly and openly in our emails to each other.. i love that..

..thank you everyone for all your support... Mace